November 11, 2019 in Psychology

Letter of Advice

Finding love is not so simple, but it is only half the battle. It is important to maintain feelings and overcome difficulties to keep a relationship in harmony. There are no hopeless situations even when it comes to the personal life. It is wonderful when loved a couple is ready to support each other in all situations while making everything to save the family. The willingness to assist in personal development is an extremely important factor in the integrity of the relationship. However, it is important to remember that readiness to save the family is not enough for a happy relationship. It is also important to understand how to do it.

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The Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Interactions

Perception of information is closely connected with communication barriers: barriers of perception, semantic barriers, non-verbal barriers, barriers arising from inattentive listening, barriers arising from lack of feedback. In communication difficulties, an important place belongs to the psychological barrier. Its causes may be both understandable (hostility, antipathy), and unexplained (“do not like it”). These sources of interference and communication difficulties i are present in close interpersonal communication. Thus, communication barriers are the factors that cause or contribute to ineffective discourse and conflict. They may have absolutely different reasons, but the result can be predicted in advance: the lack of understanding and contact. Psychological distance between partners increases, they do not understand each other or understand each other inaccurately; communication becomes remote and less confident. In other words, the effects of the communication gap can be expressed as follows:

  • Increased psychological distance between people – the participants of the communication process;
  • Erosion of mutual trust;
  • Change in the nature of interaction in the process of communication;
  • Gradual alienation and, as a result, the complete destruction of communication links.

A man combines biological and social. The basis of human character is the type of temperament given to people from birth, which in turn depends on the type of their nervous system. Having got acquainted with various aspects of human character, it becomes clear why it is sometimes difficult to establish contact and harmonious interaction with another person. It should be noted that there are no “bad” and “good” types of temperament. Each type has its own advantages and disadvantages. Conflicts arise when people with totally opposite types of temperaments face each other. Clash of people with different types of temperament can generate certain barriers to understanding often leading to a conflicting outcome. 

As a rule, people underestimate the value of negative emotions in life. Many consider that the logic is the basis of human thinking and human being. However, emotions accompany almost every aspect of human life, which is the fact that has been proven by scientists. Emotions help a person understand the importance of what he/she is doing and how important his/her relationships with other people are. Negative emotions occur in situations when:

  • Something significant for the person happens;
  • One realizes that there is some danger but cannot avoid it;
  • In case of aggravation of needs;
  • In the conflict;
  • In case of the occurrence of events, which have not been scheduled;
  • In situations with a high degree of uncertainty.

Emotions can be a barrier in communicating with the other person, especially if it is a stable negative emotion (grief, pain, disgust, contempt, fear, etc.). 

In addition, barriers of internal installations can occur. Installation is a favorable or unfavorable evaluation reaction to something or someone, which is expressed in opinions, feelings, and goal-directed behavior. Once formed, the installation tends over time to become a stronger because people, first of all, accept the events, the content of which is consistent with the attitudes learned earlier. 

Along with that, there is a barrier stereotype. The stereotype is a simplified pre-accepted view; it does not follow from own experience. This concept in a certain way affects the perception and understanding of the phenomena of reality.

The barrier of lack of interest can be harmful for a relationship. Sometimes, in the process of communication, which a person does not find particularly interesting, he/she ceases to attach importance to what he/she is told. The person’s attention is scattered, and he/she ceases to follow the trend of thought of the interlocutor.

In order for communication to be more productive, it is advisable to adhere to the following five rules of effective communication:

  1. When communicating with another person, try to tune in the “ wave” of the talker to catch his or her emotional state.
  2. Do not judge the identity of the partner and try to accept the person as he/she is.
  3. Be aware that the partner may adhere to a different opinion, which does not make the person wrong.
  4. Use direct communication to solve common problems. In a conversation, the opponent is the matter of discussion but not the interlocutor.
  5. Show feelings to the partner and do not be afraid to talk about what you want.

The Process by which Self-Concept Is Developed and Maintained

Formation of self-concept is a permanent process that begins in early childhood. Factors that influence the formation of self-esteem include thoughts and patterns of perception, reaction of other people, experience in school as well as in the courtyard and in the company of peers, illness, disability or injury, culture, religion, the role and status in society, etc. Relationships with loved ones are particularly important for the formation of self-esteem. Many of person’s current beliefs and stereotypes reflect the experience that he or she was getting from interacting with other people for a long time. If the relationships in the family were friendly, strong and based on mutual understanding, one has all the chances to generate adequate and healthy self-esteem. If over time, the communication with close people was accompanied by criticism, humiliation, and insults, it is likely that low self-esteem will be formed.

Nevertheless, own thoughts have the greatest impact on self-esteem. A person has the power to change completely and create these thoughts. If one tends to focus on own weaknesses or deficiencies, he or she needs to learn a new way to formulate thoughts and focus on his/her positive qualities. There are two main criteria of formation and maintaining of self-concept:

  • comparison of desires and real achievements; 
  • comparison of own achievements with the achievements of others.

When a person evaluates him- or herself properly, it gives a sense of inner stability. The person feels confident and thus becomes able to build positive relationships with the partner.

Emotional Intelligence and Its Role in Effective Interpersonal Relationships

Emotional intelligence is a person’s ability to recognize emotions, understand the intentions, motivations and desires of others, as well as the ability to manage own emotions and the emotions of other people in order to solve practical problems. Emotional intelligence determines how people handle themselves and their relationships. Emotional intelligence provides an ability to use the information for the realization of goals. There are four main components of EQ: self-consciousness, self-control, empathy, relationship skills.

Conventionally, emotional intelligence can be measured by three levels:

  1. low emotional intelligence
  2. advanced emotional intelligence
  3. the highest emotional intelligence. 

The development of emotional intelligence is the development of self-awareness, skills, awareness of own and others’ emotions, the ability to manage own and others’ emotions and to interact effectively with people. The first step in the development of EQ is the formation of the ability to recognize and evaluate emotions and their intensity with a particular point of view. Then, one needs to learn to identify the source of the emotion and intensity of the emotion. The next step is an expansion of the range of emotions. One should try to understand and realize what happens when he or she is doing this or that thing. 

Indeed, many relationships break due to understatement and misunderstanding. Thus, the sense of emotional intelligence is to build a constructive relationship. The high level of EQ is almost a guarantee of success in private life and relationships. Indeed, many relationships break from understatement and misunderstanding. Thus, the sense of emotional intelligence is to build a constructive relationship

Levels of Self-Disclosure in Relationships

Self-disclosure is a conscious and voluntary opening of individuality, its subjective states, secrets, and intentions. It is one of the basic psychological needs of every individual. There is a definite link between the breadth and depth (intimacy) of self-disclosure and the type of relationship. Self-disclosure is an important aspect of personal relationships, which determines the effectiveness of communication and personal comfort of the participants. In addition, effective self-disclosure promotes personal growth, has positive effect on mental health, self-awareness and self-esteem of the person.

The depth of self-disclosure can be defined by five levels. At an inappropriate stage of the development of personal relationships, hasty or complete self-disclosure is perceived as a violation of the borders of intimacy. This algorithm describes the levels of self-disclosure:

  • The first point of contact. 

Self-disclosure of the individual in communication occurs gradually when one meets a new person and establishes contact with him/her. This is the starting point, after which people begin to explore the features of individuality of the partner. The more common interests will be found, the more likely that the two people will be friends or lovers. People are starting to share common information, the distribution of which will not harm them. This initial level determines whether there is a mutual desire to promote the communication.

  • The surface information.

After that, the next step of the principsl positions exchange comes. Politics, religion, gender and financial issues are revealed. This information may also be available to a wide range of people and does not become a weapon against a person. This is the moment when differences disclose. If in the course of communication the partners realize that their positions are contradictory, self-disclosure is over.

  • The principles and positions.

A deeper rapprochement always begins with the moment when one of the interlocutors shares something personal. If the other party listens with interest and gives advice, it cannot be considered an indicator of close personal relationships. Self-disclosure and feedback are the two major components of friendship and close communication. When the other person reacts with the same openness in response, shares his/her experiences, problems, and joys, then sincere relationships are building.

  • A deeper level, private disclosure.

That is the normal course of events. Partners share personal information with those who do not trust gossip, do not gloat, and cannot use this information for their own purposes. Partners talk about important issues and other people – friends, parents, lovers, brothers, and sisters. 

  • Disclosure of feelings and emotions.

The last stage is the expression of feelings: love, affection, sadness, anxiety. If a person is willing to say and to show everything that he or she feels at the moment, it is the pinnacle of self-discovery.

Thus, self-disclosure is absolutely necessary for psychological health and growth. People cannot be themselves while they do not know themselves. The best way to achieve this is to share the inner individuality with another person. However, the cult of the full psychic opening is one-sided and fraught with psychological difficulties, as well as the cult of emotional restraint and isolation; both of them are some evidence of psychological difficulties. In terms of the mental health of the individual, the best condition is when the individual is able to be completely honest with a few relatives and maintain the level of self-disclosure with an average remaining.

Strategies for Managing Interpersonal Conflicts

Behavioral strategies of members of an interpersonal conflict are divided into three main categories:

  • power strategy (domination, competition, rivalry);
  • forms of behavior that are based on the desire to avoid the conflict;
  • Flexibility, willingness to be neglected, sacrifice own interests and goals.

Steps for effective managing of interpersonal conflicts can be described in following rules:

  1. The initiator of the conflict should be treated impartially. 

The first rule of conduct in a conflict situation is a fair, impartial attitude to the initiator of the conflict. It should be noted that the initiator of the conflict, with few exceptions, always has a personal base to start the conflict. Thus, in order to control a conflict form the first moments, the partner should treat the initiator fairly and carefully listen to him.

  1. The subject of the dispute should not be expanded.

The second rule conduct in a conflict situation is to identify the subject of the conflict and not to expand it. The subject is the cause of discontent of the partner: why particularly he or she is not happy, and what he or she does not like in the behavior of the other. This rule should be respected by the initiator of the conflict meaning that he or she should clearly articulate why he/she is not satisfied and then explain the reason for the claims fully and clearly.

  1. It is important to strive for a positive resolution of the conflict.

The third rule of behavior in the conflict is the formulation of a positive decision of the acute situation. Firstly, this will cause the initiator mentally weigh the “pros” and “cons” in press charges; second, calculate the possible consequences of the conflict for the relationship; and, thirdly, think of the preferred outcome of the conflict.

  1. Restrain emotions.

The fourth rule of conduct in a in a conflict concerns the emotional side of the dispute. Often, conflicting partners are able to correctly identify the subject of the conflict, treat fairly the right of the initiator, express their demands, outline the outcome of the conflict, but the whole tone of the conversation often negates these achievements. As a rule, parties experience the tension of the emotional state, which makes their statements are categorical, peremptory, demanding.

  1. Be tactful.

Finally, the fifth and most important rule is to avoid conflicts affecting the dignity of the individual. It should be avoided to turn the claim moved into the personal insult.

To enable and maintain the positive relationship partners should follow this advice:

  • Stay cool
  • Analyze
  • Explain the situation to another person, what is the problem
  • Leave an “exit” for the partner


A good, strong, confident union between a man and a woman occurs when one of them takes care of the needs of the other, remembers the remarkable “personal” choice, and makes small gifts from the heart. The most important thing in a relationship is harmony and love, not devoid of romance even if the romance has a light taste of sadness. At a first glance, establishing a relationship with the opposite sex seems an extremely difficult task, but there are always ways to achieve the desired goal. Sometimes, people waste this opportunity in return of smaller claims against each other, unpleasant quarrels and endless showdown losing the last sparks of love. It is important to understand how to maintain the relationship, without which a family can not be happy.

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